Drifting Away

I looked at him sitting there quietly.
I have so many things in my mind that I wanted to say to him.
But somehow I just could not find the right words to say –
So I lapsed into silence.
And drown myself in my thoughts.
Wishing for a hundred times that I could break this stillness –
Engulfing us into two different worlds -
How could two people barely two feet away –
Be so miles apart?
Cy04.29.06

Does It Matter

“If the heart grows tired of loving,” I asked. “Who will understand?”
He just looked and said nothing.
“If I give up and quit fighting, will you call me a loser?”
Then he said seriously:
“Does it ever matter what I think?”
“Does it matter what other people say?”
Cy04.23.06

Status and Titles

“So you are an engineer?” he said.
“Actually,” I hesitated. “Jade, Rose, Kam, Al – “
A pause.
“We all are…”
“Well…. Sort of …” I said.
I was a bit embarrassed.
People tend to look at me differently once they’ve found out about it.
And he –
He particularly looked a little bewildered.
It made me quite uneasy.
“So you mean that I am the only plain Mister here,” he mumbled.
“What?” I was not so sure that I heard him right.
I laughed.
Then said.
“You should never judge people by their status and titles.”
Cy04.22.06

Here and Now

“It is sometimes a little funny, “I said.
“When we listen to pledges and promises about the future.”
“Why is that?” he asked.
“Because we cannot and do not promise the future.” I said.
For the future is not ours to give –
We can only give what is ours –
And all we have is here and now.
Cy04.11.06

Excuse

“Does anger excuses us from hurting others?” I asked him out of nowhere.
He gave me the usual look as if to ask:
“Do you really need to ask such a question?”
I was silent.
I know the answer to my own question –
I remembered one Sunday morning not so long ago –
My mother and I just got home from church when we heard noises from my auntie’s house.
It was a domestic quarrel.
It appeared that she got angry over something -
And in her anger she hit my cousin Louie -
For no reason at all -
Except anger.
Over lunch my sister told me about Louie's bruises.
I saw him later that afternoon when we offered him lunch - he was starved.
I couldn't look at him straight in the face -
I was so afraid, I'd burst into tears...
Cy04.07.06

Greatest Challenge

The greatest challenge one is faced with is the enemy within.
It is the traitor that weakens your determination.
Bends your knees and shatters your defenses.
Until you reach the point of wanting to give up.
Or become a weeping stranger in front of a mirror.
But you can choose to ignore that enemy within.
By rising to your feet every time you’d fall on your knees…
By meeting the stranger in the mirror eye to eye –
And recognizing the reflection as your own…
And the enemy within is reduced to a faint whisper.
And if you continue to ignore it –
It becomes a mere memory.
And finally you emerged a better person that you were before.
Cy04.05.06

Papa

You might seem to wonder –
How I could afford to smile –
Even laugh –
At the thought of you going away –
But to tell you honestly –
Inside me –
Is a river of tears longing to flow –
I want to beg you –
To stay –
But you have dreams to fulfill –
And I cannot be a hindrance –
In my heart –
I know –
One day you will come home –
To me –
And you will never have to leave again.
Cy04.04.06

Find Me

“Actually I am giving him time to reconsider,” I said.
“Reconsider what?” he asked.
“The guy loves me.” I said emphatically. “Loves me,” I repeated the word in dismay.
He just looked at me like I’ve gone crazy or something.
“It’s like… why???” I said incredulously.
“What’s wrong with that?” he asked calmly.
“Love?” I said. “Who in his right mind could possibly like me???” I asked exasperated now.
“Much more love?!” I almost yelled in frustrations.
“It is a mystery to me…” I sighed.
Cy04.02.06