Sadness

Sadness –
When I tell you
Exactly how I feel
And you think
It is just a joke
Like everything else…
When I have to smile
Even until it hurts
Because all I feel inside
Is nothing but
Sadness…
When you sit there
With that sarcastic look
In your face
While I silently wonder
Why I put up with this
Sadness…
Cy09.28.06

Questions

If you were to look into the real me
And see me for the first time
Would you stay?
Will you still hold my hand
And look me in the eyes
With the same strength of sincerity?
Or would you go
And walk away
Forever
Just like the others before you…?
Cy09.28.06

Finality

“What happened?” I repeated his question.
“What happened was that you judged me too soon, Francis,” I said.
“You never gave yourself the chance to know me for who I am.”
“That is not true,” he denied vehemently.
I sighed.
“Somehow you’ve created an image of someone in your head,” I said, ignoring his protest.
“And when I did not turn into that someone…” I drifted off.
He just stared blankly into the empty space before him.
I shrugged.
“But that’s all in the past -” I smiled.
“At least I know you better now, I think.” I stood to leave.
“Goodbye Francis,” I said and walked away, closing the door firmly behind me.
Cy09.28.06

Closure

“When is your rest day?” I asked him.
“Today is my first day man,” he said.
And gave me a grave look –
“Hmm,” I murmured. “I see.”
“At least you are just four days away from your rest days,” I smiled.
“If it is any consolation….”I added.
He gave a bitter smile.
“I am a day away from my first day, which means I am six days away from my rest days…” I laughed.
He just shrugged.
“What are you wearing?’ I asked, looking at him with amazement.
“Stop looking at me like that,” he scolded.
I laughed.
“I used to have a huge crush on you,” I confessed.
He arched a brow, looking surprised.
“But I figured,” I paused and gave him a sincere smile.
“You will never look at me that way, you know.”
Cy09.24.06

for Dave

Turbulence

I want you to know that we will always be friends.
But there are things that we both need to let go.
Things change, that we cannot pretend.
You and I had grown so apart….
So different –
I suppose that cannot be helped.

You look at me in silence.
And I tried to smile.
I was hoping to reassure you –
That I am fine –
That we both are…

Tell me.
How can you stand still?
How can you bear it?
How you can watch us drift apart…

When all the while –
It breaks my heart –
Cy09.16.06

Do not Turn Off the Lights

I stood up to leave.
“Do not turn off the lights, Cy” he said.
I looked at him keenly, and said.
“I was not going to.”
He looked at me knowingly.
“You know what I mean,” he said.
“Do not close yourself on everything…”
“I wasn’t going to,” I insisted and walked away.
Leaving him before he could say one more word…
Cy09.15.06