On a Moonless Night

He asked, "Do you have to work tonight?"
"I'm glad you're okay," he smiled sadly. "I'm heart broken."
"Yes," I looked at him closely, trying to gauge if he was jesting.
I arched a brow then realizing he was serious, asked:
"Why? What happened?" Then added stupidly, "Are you okay?"
"What time do you need to leave for work?" he paused, took a deep breath.
"I'm not really okay..." he admitted. "But this will pass, maybe it will take days....
I have to make myself busy.." he stopped.
"By ten," I answered. "Listen, I'm worried about you...I don't know what to say..."
"I will be okay, "he smiled, embarrassed. "Although she's not saying anything, I can feel that she doesn't want me. Wish I am numb...maybe the problem is with me..."
"Don't say that," I scolded."Why do you need to blame yourself? Sometimes things just happen...it does not have to be somebody's fault..it is just what it is..." I mumbled.
"I guess love is not meant for me..being nice isn't enough sometimes....maybe I am not..." he whispered almost to himself.
"That is not true" I said vehemently."Sometimes hurtful things happen despite our best intentions..."
"Maybe.." he sighed. "I want to devout my self to work...to make myself busy..to forget..." he said defeated. "I'm really stupid..I love her so much...I guess I'm wrong..."
"Maybe you're just hurt...that's why you say that..." I said sadden by his words.
How can one so young give up on love so soon....
Cy11.17.06

for Chris

Acquiesce

It's funny how you tell me
That I am never alone.
For each time you say it
The more I feel that I am.
Sometimes I envy
The way you sit there calmly.
Nestled by a stillness
So painfully thick...

It's awfully quiet here -
Has love flown out of the window?
How strange then,
For things to look exactly as they always are...
And how perplexing -
For the more you say you love me -
The less I feel that you do...
Cy11.07.06

Stigma

Do you need me?
Could you ever?
I wanted to ask you this for the longest time now -
But I cannot bring myself to do so.
Inside me is this fear -
This uncertainty...
Afraid to look into your eyes
For I may no longer find me there.
But I'll understand. Eventually.
Because I know.
I've always known.
That there is something definitely very wrong about me.
People always give up on me -
Nobody hasn't.
Nobody can't.
Not even my mother...
Cy11.10.06

A Confession

"Sometimes I would wonder if he needs me," I confessed.
"Need me at all," I repeated.
"Do you really need to wonder about that?" he asked.
I looked at him disappointedly...
"Do you think I would wonder if he has shown me that he does..." I murmured almost to myself.
"Sometimes I feel this fear..."
"This uncertainty..."
"Does he care what happens to me?"
Cy11.07.06